After posting about my friend’s fascinating blog, I considered what made her blog so intriguing, and the truth found me the next moment: she is single.
Single people have such a strong desire to find love, and as I read her blog I’ve joined in her desire. She creates plans to find love and regularly reports on how her plans are going. I want more of her story. I want to know who she’s dating, how emotionally invested she is in each guy, and why they didn’t work out. I want all the gruesome, ugly details.
Of course, no single person I know would put their naked soul on the internet like that. Heaven knows, I wouldn’t. But since I know her well enough, I can see the story and the struggle behind the words, and that keeps me coming back for more.
Thinking of my single friend’s desire for love has caused me to reflect on my own desire. Not that I need to reflect on it, it’s always there, nagging me just under my skin and haunting my dreams. (More on that later.)
Now before I tell you what my desire is, let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time I lived in Southern California. I really loved living there. I loved the air and the people and the energy of it, but while I was there I felt closed off from everything around me, as though I were standing in a glass box in this beautiful place, unable to touch or feel the world around me.
One day, as I rode the bus home from work, I was exhausted to tears. Anger and self-pity encouraged more tears. I sat on Southern California transit trying to hide my face from my fellow passengers and feeling very alone. I didn’t need much out of life. I kept my expectations low so I wouldn’t be disappointed, but I couldn’t seem to get ahead no matter what I tried.
I stopped my tears to ask what I really wanted. I needed my desires in words, not feelings or vague ideas, but real, concrete terms. I thought for a moment and came up with three things.
I said, “If I have these three things in life, I can handle anything. I don’t care what else comes or goes, these three things will sustain me.” And they are: A solid relationship with my Heavenly Father (check), A husband who loves me more than anything else on earth (nope, nothing), and a career that supports me and my family, and energizes me rather than exhausts me (not even close).
I spent the rest of the bus ride pondering my list of three. I only had one out of the three, which seemed pretty pathetic. No wonder I was feeling sorry for myself, but at the same time, I felt a little better. I knew someday I would check off my list of three. My checked off list would be my foundation. I could stand on it for support when the storms of life came. I also knew my life must not be too bad since I only had one of the three things. Heavenly Father wouldn’t make things too difficult until I had all three. Right?
I checked the second thing off the list four years later when I married my husband. Now, eight years later, I am still searching for that elusive third thing.
Two out of three is not bad, you might say. More than what others have, you might say. You’re kind of greedy, you might say. Perhaps you may be right on all counts, but let me tell you about my theory of Home.
I believe everyone on this planet has a place where they belong. A place where their gifts and talents can be used in a fulfilling way. A place where they and the world benefit most. I call this situation Home.
I have seen it in the lives of loved ones. I see them settle into a certain situation where everything makes sense. After years of wandering, they find a life that fits perfectly. Like that kids game where you fit the shapes into the holes. Their lives might not be noticed or admired by others, but they are peaceful, and their world is beautiful because they belong. They have found Home.
Some people don’t care about finding home. Some people are unaware of its existence. Some people mistakenly think riches equal Home. And some people (like me), know it, want it, and are searching diligently for it.
I believe my Home will be complete when I have checked off my list of three.
I am refocusing this blog to catalogue my journey to find Home. That has always been the focus of this blog, I just didn’t realize it until now. It’s my turn to bare my soul and run around the internet naked. Here we go…
Single people have such a strong desire to find love, and as I read her blog I’ve joined in her desire. She creates plans to find love and regularly reports on how her plans are going. I want more of her story. I want to know who she’s dating, how emotionally invested she is in each guy, and why they didn’t work out. I want all the gruesome, ugly details.
Of course, no single person I know would put their naked soul on the internet like that. Heaven knows, I wouldn’t. But since I know her well enough, I can see the story and the struggle behind the words, and that keeps me coming back for more.
Thinking of my single friend’s desire for love has caused me to reflect on my own desire. Not that I need to reflect on it, it’s always there, nagging me just under my skin and haunting my dreams. (More on that later.)
Now before I tell you what my desire is, let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time I lived in Southern California. I really loved living there. I loved the air and the people and the energy of it, but while I was there I felt closed off from everything around me, as though I were standing in a glass box in this beautiful place, unable to touch or feel the world around me.
One day, as I rode the bus home from work, I was exhausted to tears. Anger and self-pity encouraged more tears. I sat on Southern California transit trying to hide my face from my fellow passengers and feeling very alone. I didn’t need much out of life. I kept my expectations low so I wouldn’t be disappointed, but I couldn’t seem to get ahead no matter what I tried.
I stopped my tears to ask what I really wanted. I needed my desires in words, not feelings or vague ideas, but real, concrete terms. I thought for a moment and came up with three things.
I said, “If I have these three things in life, I can handle anything. I don’t care what else comes or goes, these three things will sustain me.” And they are: A solid relationship with my Heavenly Father (check), A husband who loves me more than anything else on earth (nope, nothing), and a career that supports me and my family, and energizes me rather than exhausts me (not even close).
I spent the rest of the bus ride pondering my list of three. I only had one out of the three, which seemed pretty pathetic. No wonder I was feeling sorry for myself, but at the same time, I felt a little better. I knew someday I would check off my list of three. My checked off list would be my foundation. I could stand on it for support when the storms of life came. I also knew my life must not be too bad since I only had one of the three things. Heavenly Father wouldn’t make things too difficult until I had all three. Right?
I checked the second thing off the list four years later when I married my husband. Now, eight years later, I am still searching for that elusive third thing.
Two out of three is not bad, you might say. More than what others have, you might say. You’re kind of greedy, you might say. Perhaps you may be right on all counts, but let me tell you about my theory of Home.
I believe everyone on this planet has a place where they belong. A place where their gifts and talents can be used in a fulfilling way. A place where they and the world benefit most. I call this situation Home.
I have seen it in the lives of loved ones. I see them settle into a certain situation where everything makes sense. After years of wandering, they find a life that fits perfectly. Like that kids game where you fit the shapes into the holes. Their lives might not be noticed or admired by others, but they are peaceful, and their world is beautiful because they belong. They have found Home.
Some people don’t care about finding home. Some people are unaware of its existence. Some people mistakenly think riches equal Home. And some people (like me), know it, want it, and are searching diligently for it.
I believe my Home will be complete when I have checked off my list of three.
I am refocusing this blog to catalogue my journey to find Home. That has always been the focus of this blog, I just didn’t realize it until now. It’s my turn to bare my soul and run around the internet naked. Here we go…