Alright, I guess it's time to get honest.
Yesterday was a bit weird. Maybe you noticed in my erratic writing and punctuation, maybe not. But here we go.
I was extremely nervous yesterday when I wrote the keyboard post. But before I tell you all that, let's go backwards a few steps.
I have a good friend. We refer to each other as soul sisters. We are very much on the same wave length much of the time. A week or two ago, this friend told me she was very inspired by my blog. She said my blog is my truth and reading it has inspired her to write her truth. Just recently, she proposed that we start blogging together, telling our truth and spreading emotional healing to all who are open to hearing it.
I was excited about this idea, but uncertain of how to blog with someone. Does this mean I'd have to plan my posts? What if I wander off topic? What if I want to write about Cheez-its? Suddenly the pressure of having a REAL blog paralyzed me. What were the rules and would those rules destroy me?
When I asked my friend about these rules, she shrugged, "Just, whatever." This made me feel better. That's how I like to blog, whatever. I felt more at ease with the blogging idea after that.
Yesterday, determined to open myself up to the new blog, I grabbed my box of Cheez-its and signed into our unpublished site. I noticed myself shaking while etching out the post about my unconscious keyboard. Sheesh, what was the deal with my trembling hands?
I wrote really fast. The entire post was basically one sentence. Edit later. Edit later, I kept telling myself. When I went back, putting in periods and paragraph breaks, I felt it was a super awesome post. Probably the best post ever. And, because I was feeling an intense desire to run from my computer, instead of writing a new post for this blog, I simply copied and pasted the keyboard entry here, and hit publish.
After publishing, I logged out and reviewed my handiwork from a reader's perspective. I immediately saw the jitters, the nerves, and the fear in my writing. Best post ever? Far from it.
This Sapphire Cat blog has a certain energy. I am calm and comfortable here. Sure, I could slow down and improve my writing and yadda yadda yadda, but I am mostly free and honest here. Like relaxing on a beach, or something like that. Anyway, that keyboard post had contrasting energy that I noticed right away. If I had written it here first, it would have come out differently, or not at all. Maybe it's like the first day of work nerves. This blog is like a comfortable job I've been working at for twenty years. Things are natural and I write instinctively. The new blog is the new job where I'm still spending most of my time watching training videos that aren't teaching me anything.
My first day as a crossing guard was like that, I stood around watching the trainer walk kids across the street, secretly hoping he wouldn't make me do it. When he did make me do it, I walked into the street feeling queasy with nerves, even though it is basically the easiest job of all time. So maybe I'll get over my new blog jitters with time and experience.
The goal is to be just as free, if not more free, on the new blog as I am here. If I can't do that, I won't be able to keep it up. I've done that kind of forced blogging before. It doesn't work for me.
Maybe I'll warm up by writing the blogs over here, then copying and pasting them over there.
And in case you are wondering if I will keep up this blog after the new one starts, or when it will start, or what the website is, and what it will be about and if you will like it, the answers to all of those questions is: I don't know. We aren't going at this thing like ambitious entrepreneurs with numbers and figures and such. We're feeling it out by heart. It's about truth after all, and isn't truth found in our hearts?
But I will let you know as things develop. Stay tuned.
(P.S. One night I shared a dream with my dog, Mia, but I haven't done that since. She is sleeping now, panting, and wagging her tail. I wonder if she ever dreams about me and Mr. Sapphire Cat, and what kind of things would she dream about us?)
Yesterday was a bit weird. Maybe you noticed in my erratic writing and punctuation, maybe not. But here we go.
I was extremely nervous yesterday when I wrote the keyboard post. But before I tell you all that, let's go backwards a few steps.
I have a good friend. We refer to each other as soul sisters. We are very much on the same wave length much of the time. A week or two ago, this friend told me she was very inspired by my blog. She said my blog is my truth and reading it has inspired her to write her truth. Just recently, she proposed that we start blogging together, telling our truth and spreading emotional healing to all who are open to hearing it.
I was excited about this idea, but uncertain of how to blog with someone. Does this mean I'd have to plan my posts? What if I wander off topic? What if I want to write about Cheez-its? Suddenly the pressure of having a REAL blog paralyzed me. What were the rules and would those rules destroy me?
When I asked my friend about these rules, she shrugged, "Just, whatever." This made me feel better. That's how I like to blog, whatever. I felt more at ease with the blogging idea after that.
Yesterday, determined to open myself up to the new blog, I grabbed my box of Cheez-its and signed into our unpublished site. I noticed myself shaking while etching out the post about my unconscious keyboard. Sheesh, what was the deal with my trembling hands?
I wrote really fast. The entire post was basically one sentence. Edit later. Edit later, I kept telling myself. When I went back, putting in periods and paragraph breaks, I felt it was a super awesome post. Probably the best post ever. And, because I was feeling an intense desire to run from my computer, instead of writing a new post for this blog, I simply copied and pasted the keyboard entry here, and hit publish.
After publishing, I logged out and reviewed my handiwork from a reader's perspective. I immediately saw the jitters, the nerves, and the fear in my writing. Best post ever? Far from it.
This Sapphire Cat blog has a certain energy. I am calm and comfortable here. Sure, I could slow down and improve my writing and yadda yadda yadda, but I am mostly free and honest here. Like relaxing on a beach, or something like that. Anyway, that keyboard post had contrasting energy that I noticed right away. If I had written it here first, it would have come out differently, or not at all. Maybe it's like the first day of work nerves. This blog is like a comfortable job I've been working at for twenty years. Things are natural and I write instinctively. The new blog is the new job where I'm still spending most of my time watching training videos that aren't teaching me anything.
My first day as a crossing guard was like that, I stood around watching the trainer walk kids across the street, secretly hoping he wouldn't make me do it. When he did make me do it, I walked into the street feeling queasy with nerves, even though it is basically the easiest job of all time. So maybe I'll get over my new blog jitters with time and experience.
The goal is to be just as free, if not more free, on the new blog as I am here. If I can't do that, I won't be able to keep it up. I've done that kind of forced blogging before. It doesn't work for me.
Maybe I'll warm up by writing the blogs over here, then copying and pasting them over there.
And in case you are wondering if I will keep up this blog after the new one starts, or when it will start, or what the website is, and what it will be about and if you will like it, the answers to all of those questions is: I don't know. We aren't going at this thing like ambitious entrepreneurs with numbers and figures and such. We're feeling it out by heart. It's about truth after all, and isn't truth found in our hearts?
But I will let you know as things develop. Stay tuned.
(P.S. One night I shared a dream with my dog, Mia, but I haven't done that since. She is sleeping now, panting, and wagging her tail. I wonder if she ever dreams about me and Mr. Sapphire Cat, and what kind of things would she dream about us?)