Sapphire Cat had just gotten home from a long day of seventh grade when the phone rang. She answered it and heard the sugar-sweet voice of a girl asking, “Is Sapphire Cat there?”
“That’s me,” Sapphire Cat answered, confused. She didn’t recognize this person.
“Oh wow, I can’t believe it’s you,” Sugar Girl said sarcastically. “I can’t believe you’re home and you’re talking to me. I thought you’d be out with all of your friends. You are the coolest person on the planet. I wish I could be as cool as you.”
The phone call went on this way with Sugar Girl telling Sapphire Cat how cool she was and how much she wanted to be her friend, and Sapphire Cat feeling uncomfortably like she was being made fun of. Not wanting to hang up because that would be rude, Sapphire Cat listened to the fake-voiced girl until the call ended.
The end of that phone call was the beginning of Sugar Girl’s campaign against Sapphire Cat. The calls happened about three times a week, and no matter how rude Sugar Girl was, Sapphire Cat never hung up on her. She just listened and felt powerless (because she was twelve).
As her seventh grade year passed and the calls progressively got worse, Sapphire Cat imagined being grown and still getting calls from this laughing stranger. However, the calls only lasted that year, when she started the eighth grade the calls stopped and Sapphire Cat went on with her life. But she never forgot the feeling of Sugar Girl’s words painting her with ugliness.
Although she wished it were so, Sugar Girl was not the only bully who appeared in Sapphire Cat’s life. Sapphire Cat experienced many bullies in all different forms. The most common form was not the faceless stranger, but usually came from Sapphire Cat’s circle of friends.
These bullies were always so nice at first, but eventually they would start with a jab here or a wound there until eventually it became an avalanche of rudeness pummeling Sapphire Cat until she ended the friendship.
This pattern wasn’t true for all of her friendships, but it happened enough to create a noticeable pattern. Sapphire Cat knew she affected this pattern somehow, and wanted to break it, but she didn’t know where to start.
The first time she felt the pattern breaking was one evening as she played Star Wars Monopoly with a friend. This friend often threw tantrums to get her way, but otherwise was lots of fun.
Tantrum Friend told Sapphire Cat that she could only be the Emperor or Luke Skywalker. Sapphire Cat wanted to be Princess Leah. Tantrum Friend began a tantrum.
“That’s so mean!” Tantrum Friend screamed. “You know Princess Leah’s my favorite and I have to be her every time I play you can’t be her no one can be her but me this is my game and my house and that means I get my way you get your way at your house but this is my house and my game and you can’t be Han Solo either because no one can be Han Solo no one has been Han Solo since I got this game because only my future husband can be Han Solo and I’ll be Princess Leah and that’s why I got this game so we can be Han Solo and Princess Leah and play Monopoly together.” Her voice calmed down as she asked, “So what piece do you want to be?”
Sapphire Cat considered giving in. She didn’t care that much about being Princess Leah, but that night she just couldn’t be pushed around even if it was over a stupid monopoly piece. And for the first time, Sapphire Cat didn’t care about Tantrum Friend throwing another tantrum, in fact, she almost wanted an excuse to go home.
“I don’t want to be any other piece,” Sapphire Cat said, “If you don’t want to play with me, I’ll just go home.”
Tantrum Friend looked at Sapphire Cat, then looked at Princess Leah, then said, “Okay, I guess I’ll be Han Solo then.”
Tantrum Friend became Fun Friend that night.
We’ve heard a lot about bullying in the media lately. Bullies get sectioned off into a category marked “bad guys” and their targets get labeled “pity me”. People encourage the victims to stand up for themselves and fight back. Sapphire Cat wants to throw her two cents in on the subject.
The bad guy/good guy dynamic feeds the notion that the victims are powerless and need “saving” by some outside source, or revenging themselves upon the bully. Neither of these solutions solve anything. Turning from victim to vigilante only turns the picture inside out rather than eradicating it.
The popular media yelling at bullies, telling them to stop being jerks doesn’t do anything break the pattern. The pattern is broken by two things: 1) not being afraid of the bully. 2) the victim approaching the bully like a grown up and calmly telling them they are being a jerk. The opposite of these two things encourages and perpetuates bullying.
The first of these rules is illustrated in this story:
There was a girl named Rebecca Black. (I didn’t know her personally, but I heard pieces of her story on the internet.) Rebecca wanted to be a pop sensation. Her mom, wanting to make all her daughter’s dreams come true, paid for a song writer, a music video director and whatever else is necessary to make a child a star. This crew created a professional music video with Rebecca singing a song called “Friday”.
This video went viral, not because Rebecca was a brilliant musician but because the video was nine levels of lame, and it was hilarious. Rebecca’s laughable video led to bullying at school. The bullying got so bad her mother pulled her out. Rebecca didn’t realize she had gold in her hands and she threw it away.
If she had laughed with the bullies, pretending her video was intentionally lame, she would have been touted as a comedic genius.
So yes, bullying is wrong, but I believe most bullies don’t set out to hurt others, they just push buttons to see that their victims have a sense of humor about themselves, or when they push things too far they want to hear, “Hey, that’s not cool, dude.” When they learn that their actions are hurtful, they usually stop the behavior.
Granted, there are some bullies who do seek to hurt others, but those are fewer than they seem. These people are relentlessly cruel despite any action, and should be stayed away from.
“That’s me,” Sapphire Cat answered, confused. She didn’t recognize this person.
“Oh wow, I can’t believe it’s you,” Sugar Girl said sarcastically. “I can’t believe you’re home and you’re talking to me. I thought you’d be out with all of your friends. You are the coolest person on the planet. I wish I could be as cool as you.”
The phone call went on this way with Sugar Girl telling Sapphire Cat how cool she was and how much she wanted to be her friend, and Sapphire Cat feeling uncomfortably like she was being made fun of. Not wanting to hang up because that would be rude, Sapphire Cat listened to the fake-voiced girl until the call ended.
The end of that phone call was the beginning of Sugar Girl’s campaign against Sapphire Cat. The calls happened about three times a week, and no matter how rude Sugar Girl was, Sapphire Cat never hung up on her. She just listened and felt powerless (because she was twelve).
As her seventh grade year passed and the calls progressively got worse, Sapphire Cat imagined being grown and still getting calls from this laughing stranger. However, the calls only lasted that year, when she started the eighth grade the calls stopped and Sapphire Cat went on with her life. But she never forgot the feeling of Sugar Girl’s words painting her with ugliness.
Although she wished it were so, Sugar Girl was not the only bully who appeared in Sapphire Cat’s life. Sapphire Cat experienced many bullies in all different forms. The most common form was not the faceless stranger, but usually came from Sapphire Cat’s circle of friends.
These bullies were always so nice at first, but eventually they would start with a jab here or a wound there until eventually it became an avalanche of rudeness pummeling Sapphire Cat until she ended the friendship.
This pattern wasn’t true for all of her friendships, but it happened enough to create a noticeable pattern. Sapphire Cat knew she affected this pattern somehow, and wanted to break it, but she didn’t know where to start.
The first time she felt the pattern breaking was one evening as she played Star Wars Monopoly with a friend. This friend often threw tantrums to get her way, but otherwise was lots of fun.
Tantrum Friend told Sapphire Cat that she could only be the Emperor or Luke Skywalker. Sapphire Cat wanted to be Princess Leah. Tantrum Friend began a tantrum.
“That’s so mean!” Tantrum Friend screamed. “You know Princess Leah’s my favorite and I have to be her every time I play you can’t be her no one can be her but me this is my game and my house and that means I get my way you get your way at your house but this is my house and my game and you can’t be Han Solo either because no one can be Han Solo no one has been Han Solo since I got this game because only my future husband can be Han Solo and I’ll be Princess Leah and that’s why I got this game so we can be Han Solo and Princess Leah and play Monopoly together.” Her voice calmed down as she asked, “So what piece do you want to be?”
Sapphire Cat considered giving in. She didn’t care that much about being Princess Leah, but that night she just couldn’t be pushed around even if it was over a stupid monopoly piece. And for the first time, Sapphire Cat didn’t care about Tantrum Friend throwing another tantrum, in fact, she almost wanted an excuse to go home.
“I don’t want to be any other piece,” Sapphire Cat said, “If you don’t want to play with me, I’ll just go home.”
Tantrum Friend looked at Sapphire Cat, then looked at Princess Leah, then said, “Okay, I guess I’ll be Han Solo then.”
Tantrum Friend became Fun Friend that night.
We’ve heard a lot about bullying in the media lately. Bullies get sectioned off into a category marked “bad guys” and their targets get labeled “pity me”. People encourage the victims to stand up for themselves and fight back. Sapphire Cat wants to throw her two cents in on the subject.
The bad guy/good guy dynamic feeds the notion that the victims are powerless and need “saving” by some outside source, or revenging themselves upon the bully. Neither of these solutions solve anything. Turning from victim to vigilante only turns the picture inside out rather than eradicating it.
The popular media yelling at bullies, telling them to stop being jerks doesn’t do anything break the pattern. The pattern is broken by two things: 1) not being afraid of the bully. 2) the victim approaching the bully like a grown up and calmly telling them they are being a jerk. The opposite of these two things encourages and perpetuates bullying.
The first of these rules is illustrated in this story:
There was a girl named Rebecca Black. (I didn’t know her personally, but I heard pieces of her story on the internet.) Rebecca wanted to be a pop sensation. Her mom, wanting to make all her daughter’s dreams come true, paid for a song writer, a music video director and whatever else is necessary to make a child a star. This crew created a professional music video with Rebecca singing a song called “Friday”.
This video went viral, not because Rebecca was a brilliant musician but because the video was nine levels of lame, and it was hilarious. Rebecca’s laughable video led to bullying at school. The bullying got so bad her mother pulled her out. Rebecca didn’t realize she had gold in her hands and she threw it away.
If she had laughed with the bullies, pretending her video was intentionally lame, she would have been touted as a comedic genius.
So yes, bullying is wrong, but I believe most bullies don’t set out to hurt others, they just push buttons to see that their victims have a sense of humor about themselves, or when they push things too far they want to hear, “Hey, that’s not cool, dude.” When they learn that their actions are hurtful, they usually stop the behavior.
Granted, there are some bullies who do seek to hurt others, but those are fewer than they seem. These people are relentlessly cruel despite any action, and should be stayed away from.