In my last post, I never reached the point of what I was saying. So this post is finishing up what I started yesterday.
After the experience at the Dressing Your Truth store, I couldn’t figure out why I was supposed to go down there that day. I understood that I didn’t belong there, that message rang out loud and clear, but I had learned that months before. For some reason, I needed to see all those Dressing Your Truth people in their Home, at a time when I felt particularly homeless. I was missing the lesson somewhere.
I think it was several days later when I understood what the experience was all about. It came in bits and pieces rather than all at once. The lesson was this: I have pictured my Home in many different places. Some of these places were ambitious, and others were selling myself short. The time has come to dig up what I know of Home and follow that, rather than waiting around for something to change. It’s time to find Home.
(In defense of myself, I waited for things to change because I didn’t know which direction to head. When I thought of a good Home option, I headed that way, but those pursuits never worked out, so I waited some more. When I thought of something else, I tried that…)
After understanding my lesson, I sat down and pondered. How do I go in a direction if I don’t know my destination? Years of looking outward and forward to my future, led me nowhere. So I looked inward and downward.
I turned inward to find my feelings of home. Home is just a feeling, right? That’s how I will know it, by the feeling I get when I’m there. Then I turned downward.
Downward, I found what I already had around me. I have my garden to grow, my home to take care of, gratitude to improve, and I have my blog.
At the time, my blog focus was love stories, which I enjoyed, but I was starting to get bloggers fatigue (the reason I have shut down every blog in the past). Bloggers fatigue consists of not being interested in my own ideas and secretly hoping no one reads my blog so I can shut it down without any complaints.
I felt my blog was important, so I didn’t want to shut it down, but I wasn’t sure where to go with it. I didn’t know how to create a blog that meant something to me. Over the years, I have started many blogs, and with each one I hoped this would be the one that excites me. But without fail, sooner or later bloggers fatigue would set in and I gave it up.
It wasn’t until I read my friend’s blog that I understood what kind of blog I needed to write. I needed to blog about my desire.
I suppose I needed that experience at the Dressing Your Truth store to realize how Home sick I really was, and understand what to do about it. Instead of googling jobs in my area, rewriting my resume, and applying for a billion different careers, or rethinking my post graduate options, I nurtured the little pieces of Home already in my life.
I labored in my yard until I cleared a garden patch (something I have wanted for four years). I bought vegetable seeds, planting a few inside, and come May, I will put the rest in my patch of earth.
I learned how to spend one hour every day for a clean house, rather than cleaning for five hours and the house still looking messy.
Gratitude is still a beauty I have difficulty maintaining.
And since the change, this blog feels like a little piece of Home.
I may not have found my Home yet, but I feel closer to it because I’m have more joy and order in my life. I didn’t expend enormous effort for these simple changes, they were already in place. They just needed a little reorganizing.
After the experience at the Dressing Your Truth store, I couldn’t figure out why I was supposed to go down there that day. I understood that I didn’t belong there, that message rang out loud and clear, but I had learned that months before. For some reason, I needed to see all those Dressing Your Truth people in their Home, at a time when I felt particularly homeless. I was missing the lesson somewhere.
I think it was several days later when I understood what the experience was all about. It came in bits and pieces rather than all at once. The lesson was this: I have pictured my Home in many different places. Some of these places were ambitious, and others were selling myself short. The time has come to dig up what I know of Home and follow that, rather than waiting around for something to change. It’s time to find Home.
(In defense of myself, I waited for things to change because I didn’t know which direction to head. When I thought of a good Home option, I headed that way, but those pursuits never worked out, so I waited some more. When I thought of something else, I tried that…)
After understanding my lesson, I sat down and pondered. How do I go in a direction if I don’t know my destination? Years of looking outward and forward to my future, led me nowhere. So I looked inward and downward.
I turned inward to find my feelings of home. Home is just a feeling, right? That’s how I will know it, by the feeling I get when I’m there. Then I turned downward.
Downward, I found what I already had around me. I have my garden to grow, my home to take care of, gratitude to improve, and I have my blog.
At the time, my blog focus was love stories, which I enjoyed, but I was starting to get bloggers fatigue (the reason I have shut down every blog in the past). Bloggers fatigue consists of not being interested in my own ideas and secretly hoping no one reads my blog so I can shut it down without any complaints.
I felt my blog was important, so I didn’t want to shut it down, but I wasn’t sure where to go with it. I didn’t know how to create a blog that meant something to me. Over the years, I have started many blogs, and with each one I hoped this would be the one that excites me. But without fail, sooner or later bloggers fatigue would set in and I gave it up.
It wasn’t until I read my friend’s blog that I understood what kind of blog I needed to write. I needed to blog about my desire.
I suppose I needed that experience at the Dressing Your Truth store to realize how Home sick I really was, and understand what to do about it. Instead of googling jobs in my area, rewriting my resume, and applying for a billion different careers, or rethinking my post graduate options, I nurtured the little pieces of Home already in my life.
I labored in my yard until I cleared a garden patch (something I have wanted for four years). I bought vegetable seeds, planting a few inside, and come May, I will put the rest in my patch of earth.
I learned how to spend one hour every day for a clean house, rather than cleaning for five hours and the house still looking messy.
Gratitude is still a beauty I have difficulty maintaining.
And since the change, this blog feels like a little piece of Home.
I may not have found my Home yet, but I feel closer to it because I’m have more joy and order in my life. I didn’t expend enormous effort for these simple changes, they were already in place. They just needed a little reorganizing.